Both Sides, Now
My father once told me that “there are two sides to every story, and then there’s the truth”. In his concise way, he was illuminating a critical piece of sense-making. The thing we refer to as “the truth” is something we can only see through a glass, darkly…it is something known only as well as we know ourselves.
In a similar way, our limited ability to make sense of truth is reflected in the parable of the blind men and the elephant. A band of blind men encounter an obstacle on the path. One man grabs a leg and declares it is a tree. Another is wrapped by the trunk and proclaims it is a snake. Yet another is flicked by its tail and decides it is a rope. Another feels an ear and calls it a fan. We are always at the mercy of the limitations of our perception. The only chance we have to address the complex issues that currently and will continue to face us is discourse. Discourse requires the willingness to communicate what we “see” and have that heard and reflected back to us by others who are also having their own experience even and especially when we do not agree on what we perceive reality to be.
These days our elephant is the incredible vehicle of the internet. Never before in the history of our species has so much information been so accessible for so many. This technology has facilitated our ability to find facts, proof, evidence, and opinions for any position. Yet the process of inquiry has always been about more than simply researching information that supports what you already believe. In its essence, science is a process of inquiry. Science derives from philosophy and the dialectic tradition of Socrates. Dialectic means investigating the truth of opinions; it is the art of debate. The root of this word is shared with dialogue, which means “to converse with”. My point is simply this - in order to do science, to investigate truth, to practice inquiry, there must be an open, transparent exchange of ideas. Without this criterion, without a conversation to propel meaning, refine arguments, and clarify positions, we are doomed to hug one leg of the elephant and convince ourselves it’s a tree.
There are always (and at least) two sides to every story, which reminds me of the courage and humility in Joni Mitchell’s Both Sides, Now:
Oh, but now old friends they're acting strange
And they shake their heads and they tell me that I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every dayI've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
It is unlikely any of us will ever know all life has to offer. But we can engage with it in a way that is meaningful, draws us closer to the truth, and employs a best practice that was recorded long ago: charity does not behave unseemly, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil.
Cultivating Inner Space
At a time when so much emphasis is placed on social distancing, how often do we consider how much space we give to our thoughts and emotions? Space is the universal complement to form. It is what allows forms (bodies, thoughts, emotions, objects) to move. The natural expression of form is movement, for we see in all things that when there is not enough space to move or enough space between moves, things get compressed, tense, and are not able to express with ease or health.
Observe, for example, your breath. Physiologically, breath happens when your body creates space within. As the main breathing muscle (the diaphragm) activates, it pushes down on the contents of your abdomen. This lowers the relative pressure within your rib cage. So long as your are open air naturally flows from the relatively higher pressure outside your body through the respiratory channels to the lungs, which fill and expand within the rib cage. With effortless effort normal exhalation is simply the process of the pressures reversing. Consider the moment of transition between the inhale and exhale of your breath. This transition can be an intentional pause as a way to create space within your mind and body. The yogic practice of pranayama offers many techniques to intentionally move your breath as a way to cultivate a stillness of mind.
With regard to the heart, we can measure how the time between beats reflects the balance and adaptability of the nervous system. The heart does not beat consistently like a metronome, but has a unique cadence in each of us. In many respects our relationship to space physically, mentally, emotionally, and environmentally is reflected in the state of our heart rate variability. For instance, we can measure whether someone is physiologically in fight/flight (sympathetic) mode, whether their body regulates well and balances between fight/flight and rest/recuperate (parasympathetic), and how well someone uses the energy they have available to maintain health and function.
There is a profound and intimate relationship between the breath, the heart, and the nervous system. They are reflections of each other as well as reflections of our state of being. To connect with them, to feel what they are communicating, and to support their ability to function are the space-honoring goals of my chiropractic practice. Life depends on the balance of movement and stillness. Stillness is derived from space and the quiet formless peace therein. It is the silence between the notes, the space within the synapse, and the room we choose to give to our thoughts and emotions that makes all the difference. The space we give others and ourselves is different than distance. Space is the medium through which connection is made, whereas distance implies a forced separation. They may look similar, but the feeling and the intention behind the feeling are quite distinct. At a time when so much emphasis is placed on how distant and separated we seem to be, make space your ally, allow yourself to slow down and calm down, and remember to find and celebrate the connections that are (everywhere).
Love in Uncertain Times
My daughter, Violet, was born a few nights ago in our home on Oregon’s north coast. Supported by the practiced and competent hands of three midwives, as well as our doula, Mack, my wife, Adria, naturally and brilliantly birthed Violet into this world and the two of us into parenthood. I am deeply grateful for our midwives, inspired by my wife’s strength and resilience, and absolutely in love with our baby.
Bearing witness to the birth process was a gift that has only expanded my awe of the innate intelligence of the human body, and confirmed how integral chiropractic care is for pregnancy, delivery, and postpartum. I supported my wife’s spine and pelvis as she communicated with her body, with me and our midwives, and birthed our daughter into our world. We have this extraordinary vehicle - one that allows consciousness to emerge, to sense and explore the living world, and to communicate and share love with others. With our bodies and minds, we have been conditioned to look to the future - to plan and to plot - often under the illusion that just a little more “doing” will get us to the place where we can find meaning and certainty. Now more than ever we need to look to the present, to find the space between the stimulus and the response and pause there. The entire world has been asked to take this pregnant - sometimes uncomfortable - pause. It is a fertile opportunity to reflect on our values and habits and make fundamental inquiries: Is it more important to be right, or to connect?
I can say now from first-hand experience that the way to change the diaper of a fiery newborn goddess at 3:00 a.m. is not to shush her, or explain the inconvenience of her developing bowel’s timing to my sleep pattern, or that she needs to learn to modulate the volume and intensity of the wailing (8.5 is excessive, especially this early). It is not to get frustrated at the effective jiu-jitsu she is employing to avoid the diaper grapple. It is not to allow my own notions of how this should be going, or convince myself that she is already scheming ways to test my patience. It is not to prove my experience is right or more real. The truth, as it often is, is so simple and literally right in front of me. “You need to connect with her,” I hear Adria offer sleepily from the bedroom, “she wants you to sing”. And now I do, and it makes all the difference in the world - to her and to me.
In these uncertain times, some things remain true and shine even brighter amidst the tumultuous landscape. I recognize these truths being born from the darkness into my expanding awareness: Love is the light by which we all see. Mothers have superpowers. Choosing connection instead of righteousness makes babies laugh and the world a kinder place to live.
