How to Shape the Mind

“Your mind will take the shape of what you frequently hold in thought, for the human spirit is colored by such impressions.” – Marcus Aurelius
 

The habits, behaviors, and strategies that people develop only start to take root with repetition. If you eat salad once a month in order to “get your greens,” it will be better than not eating it all, but realistically it doesn’t reflect a healthy diet. The body will respond to what you ask it to do most often. The fitness of gymnasts and athletes reflects this as does the conditioning of people who spend much of their time at a desk or on a couch. There is an observable and predictable relationship between habit and health.  

As Marcus Aurelius reminds us, this relationship is also at work with our attention. There is little that we can do to control external circumstances and the onslaught of the stresses of life. Yet the extent to which those external stresses color our spirit is determined by how much we allow them to do so.

The recent passing of the solar eclipse presents an opportunity for massive reorganization on all levels. It is a time to choose and to begin to consciously shape what we are calling into life. This happens when we accept the responsibility of being accountable to what we frequently hold in thought and what kind of energy we bring to the field.

I’ve found it helpful to ask: What are you frequently holding in thought? Is it serving to uplift you? Does it support those around you? Is it congruent with what you want your life to look like?

Control

When confronted with experiences that challenge the perceived stability of life, we have an inherent tendency to try to regain control. Even our best-laid plans cannot account for many of the curve balls thrown by fate.

Sometimes the store is out of eggs when we promised to make breakfast or there is unusual traffic on the day of an important meeting. Sometimes dogs run away. Sometimes people get diagnosed with terminal cancer.  

What can be done when we are presented with things that are simply beyond our ability to control?

We can ask for help.

We can choose to face the challenge with honesty and with courage.

We can practice directing our attention to gratitude for that which is good.

The only thing we have any degree of control over is how we choose to see and respond to the challenges and the opportunities life provides. We cannot tell the wind when or how to blow, but we can learn to sail.

Let The Gavel Go

One of the first and perhaps most important things I learned in Psychology 101 my freshman year of college was something called the fundamental attribution error. It is an observation that states we are more likely to judge a person on what we perceive to be their character rather than some external factor affecting them in the moment. This is most obvious when we encounter someone who is stressed out and they are showing it.

There is a tendency to jump to the conclusion that this is a mean person instead of considering some basic questions, such as:

 Is this person hungry?
Is this person tired?
Is this person in pain?

I find it helpful to remember that what is often interpreted as meanness or hostility is usually some variation of anxiety. How do you feel when you’re hungry or tired or in pain? How do you act? Is it fair for others to judge who you are based on a temporary low energy state?

At one time or another everyone works through an internal struggle that folks on the outside know nothing about. Before dropping the gavel on someone, just ask: could some major stressor be affecting this person’s ability to mindfully communicate in this moment?